I recently read a little article about how to drink alone, except it wasn't about how to drink alone, it was about how to go to a bar alone. That isn't drinking alone. That is drinking at a bar with new friends. It was an entire article about how to go to a bar an drink, this isn't something that needs explanation. If you are that girly and can't handle manning up at a bar and ordering a drink by yourself..stop reading my blogs. You aren't worthy of them.
No drinking alone is when you are home, by yourself and you pull out a bottle of wine..and drink the whole thing..then you decide hey...that bottle of Fireball in the freezer look delicious, so you start playing drinking games with yourself. Then you wake up the next morning in the bathtub with a bad haircut you gave yourself. THAT my friends, is drinking alone. I have a few tips for those of you who wish to become a seasoned professional at this.
1. Reasons to drink: Because you had a good day, because you had a bad day, because your day was kinda so-so, because a glass of red wine is good for you, because people had to fight to get prohibition repealed (I think), because..sports, shots..shots...shots, because ex girlfriends/boyfriends...because treat yo' self.
2. Get your snacks together. After about the third or fourth drink you are going to start craving Taco Bell. Be prepared. You don't want to venture out and get a DUI. This completely negates the whole reason for staying in, so be ready. I like to get fancy cheese and crackers because it makes me feel all sophisticated stuff but Hot Pockets and Doritos work too.
3. Get the TV ready. This is the time to watch all those guilty pleasures no one will watch with you. Some of my favorites include: Saved by the Bell, Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Botched and any horror movie made between 1980 and 1989. Plus, everything becomes better after the third drink too. EVERYTHING. There are entire movies I can not watch sober that are amazing about..oh...four drinks in. Take The Holiday. This movie is so horrible, just oh so bad. The first time I saw it though I had been drinking and thought it was super funny, it came on cable one day when I was sober and I realized I was mistaken. Alcohol gives you movie beer goggles.
4. Hide your phone. Seriously, if you know you are a drunk texter and you don't want to accidentally text your ex at 2am. HIDE YOUR PHONE. In fact you may want to stay away from Snapchat, Facebook and Twitter. Let's be honest, the first drunk Facebook status is funny-the tenth is pathetic. Also you may want to hide your credit and debit cards if you like to shop online.
5.This is the perfect time to finish that screen play. Channel Hemingway.
6. Do not do this on a Sunday night. FACT..all hangovers are worse on a Monday morning.
7. Another fact..no one can see how bad you dance when you are drinking home alone..so get your groove on to every boy band from the 90's that your heart desires.
8. If you are in fact drinking because you are depressed, I suggest Googling new cocktails you have never tried before or creating your own. Although I advise drinking alone only when you are happy not depressed..because other wise you will just be more depressed. (Drinking alone when you are happy on the other hand just makes you more happy)
9. Don't drink crappy beer alone because that really is just sad. Spring for the good stuff or go on to bed.
10. Here is a little tidbit of information for you: dogs are hilarious when they are drunk.I'm not saying you should give you dog a drink, but I'm also not saying you shouldn't give your dog a drink.
