Honestly, I hate porn. It is the exact opposite of a turn on to me, not to mention being (usually) degrading to women. I'm actually a bit more conservative than most of you might think. In fact I feel my thoughts on the matter are best said by southern goddess Julia Sugarbaker about a minute thirty seconds into this speech.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SytdHXAjzVk
Watch it yet? Good! Yeah..most porn is stupid and NO woman would do that..and by that I mean..most of the things women do in porn.
That said there are a few essential porn movies that every true cult movie fan must watch. These movies are bound to give you a case of the giggles and up your cult movie coolness quotient. I watched all of these either out of curiosity or in a couple of cases because I didn't know they were porn. Yep, some older porn's trick you into thinking they are actual movies..with less graphic sex than HBO. You can find most of these films on youtube, although I won't post the links..I will provide trailers. :) You know, for your viewing pleasure.
1.) Debbie Does Dallas
I watched this one because I had to see it, the title is so well known and it just seemed like something I should watch. I laughed through the whole thing.
First of all there are these high school cheerleaders in Texas and one of them wants to go to Dallas to try out for the not Dallas cheerleaders. For whatever reason..her friends all decide to help her make money to go by..not losing their virginity but fooling around or something, I never quite got the point here. At any rate it is fairly innocent to watch, nothing to hard core and it's funny. Seriously there is less disturbing sex scenes here than what you see on Game of Thrones.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fOcE7tVdoT4
2.) Flesh Gordon
I saw this movie when I was a teenager. My dad had it at his video store and neither one of us knew it was porn. I seriously watched the entire thing and had no idea, so that tells you how innocent it was. I am pretty sure what I saw was an edited version though because it really wasn't what I would call pornographic exactly. Anyway it is however hilarious...really hilarious. Its worth watching for the costumes alone which really confused me as a teen, I remember thinking well that's a bit much now isn't it?
This is basically the porn version of Flash Gordon. I have no idea how to explain this movie, you just have to watch it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mcKvjVsYILw
3.) Cinderella 2000
I also watched this without knowing it was porn, at least at first I didn't know. This is a fairytale, porn, musical. Seriously. I couldn't stop watching. It was just so...weird. I mean really weird. I suggest watching while on the mind altering substance of your choice because..just...damn.
There are some odd sex laws in this movie about not having sex or something and the prince has to sleep with a bunch of people to find Cinderella on the night of the sex ball or I don't know. I haven't seen it in so long..mainly I remember thinking..are they really singing right now. One of the absolute strangest movies I have ever seen and totally watchable.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KPbFbqEh5zU
4.) Ilsa, She Wolf of the SS
I haven't watched ALL of this one just parts of it. It is however a very popular cult/grindhouse film. What can I say..I love Nazi's. I mean they are snazzy dressers aren't they? There are even tee shirts out there for IIsa. I'm pretty sure you can't say you are a cult fan and NOT watch this one. However, this movie isn't funny or light hearted as my other entries are. That's the main reason I haven't finished watching this one..it's just more graphic and there is no doubting it is porn. Sure it's a porn movie with a story but it's still porn and brutal porn at that.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f1K49rYSx4k
5.) Vampyros Lesbos
I watched this movie just because it is supposed to be a cult film. Basically one of those, you have to see it films. It is, well, it's porn. It attempts to hide this fact in a horror story..but it's porn. It's one of those..oh yeah, I saw that movies. Not near as entertaining as the others on the list but if you are both a cult and horror movie fan, you're gonna want to know what everyone is talking about. Lots of pointless nudity and still just a bit boring (like most old Italian horror movies). The fact is people love talking about if this movie is porn or art. I go with thinly veiled soft core porn..but you be the judge.
In this movie a vampire preforms at a night club to get women to go home with her.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=032XmaYcl4s
So there you go, some of the oddest cult movies I've ever seen that just happen to be porn. Go ahead and watch, I promise I won't tell!
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