WHY I WROTE THIS ARTICLE
I see so many posts about how adhd is just an excuse to medicate children. I see people saying we over medicate children and it's all a money making scheme for bad parents. I get why a person who doesn't have adhd would say that. It seems as if a person would just force themselves to pay attention...they could do better. I can't say if every child diagnosed has adhd for sure. I was never diagnosed. I was a child during the 80s in rural america. No one had heard of ADHD yet, and even if they had who knows if back then my parents would have had access to help where we lived. In general I think we see more children diagnosed because, like many other disorders...we have the ability to diagnose and treat it now. Why is that important? Because while in humanities past my way of thinking might not have hurt my chances for providing for myself and my family and generally being successful in society..today they way I think does. It doesn't matter that you, as a parent think that isn't fair...it is how it is.
I have never seen what I consider a good explanation of what adhd is. I think this is because people who have adhd might be afraid if you knew what happened in their heads, you might blame us more than you probably already do. I also think the experience can be slightly different from person to person. This is because I think people have different degrees of the problem. I myself do not think I have the issue as badly as many others do.
WHAT IT'S LIKE:
Have you ever driven home and then realize you have no memory of driving yourself home? HOW DID YOU GET HOME? Your brain was basically in auto pilot mode, that's me 50% of any given day.
I get you think, oh you won't forget this thing or that thing if you just force your brain to stop and concentrate. JUST BLOCK OUT THE DISTRACTIONS.
Um, no. Don't think about a cow. Were you successful just now? No? Yeah that is about how successful I am at stopping my brain from going into auto pilot mode. Except it is worse because I never know when my brain is going to decide to do this. I make it through the day because I am so skilled at what I do that I can literally do almost every task without thinking about it. This also means I will always make mistakes. It isn't something I can avoid. It doesn't matter how many checks and balances I put in place, details will always escape me. I can be talking to you, write something down and then not know where I wrote it down...as I am still in conversation with you. I can also have conversations I am not even actively present in.
What is auto pilot mode
Basically...my brain has already jumped to another thing... to me it often feels as if people can't keep up with me. Some people will say, their brain needs new stimulus, or they are bored. Actually I just find that my brain is always making connections and moving on to the next thing.That is why you can have a conversation with me and it seems like I have randomly started talking about something else. Not really, in unkind terms I am just bored with your conversation to be honest, I've moved on. However you learn in society to keep that in a little bit. Some people describe it as having a TV that always changes channels or a computer with 10 tabs open. To me it is more like having two programs running on a computer. One is the task at hand you are supposed to be working on (in auto pilot mode)..the other one is Facebook..and it is on auto scroll! Had I not learned to put myself in auto pilot, I'd be in real trouble.I also can't say if other people who suffer are able to do auto pilot,
How do I cope:
What is important for me is ritual. This won't keep me from never making a mistake, but it helps. Doing tasks with multiple parts at once might be bad for me, so breaking it down to just one part and then coming back for the next part another day is much easier. I don't like change or new environments. I need to do the same things, the same way, every day. It is important to remember that I will still sometimes mess up, this is inevitable. I will lose my keys, I will misfile something, I will check something off of my to do list that I haven't actually done because I got distracted in the middle of doing it...and I think it has been done. If I do not make a plan to complete tasks, give myself deadlines, and give myself rewards..somethings just will not get done. If you are a parent with a child you think has ADHD....HELP THEM do this. It has taken me years to understand this about myself...and many more years to understand I have to accept I will always be a bit broken. I also work well with distractions that I enjoy while doing what I don't enjoy.While other people might not understand, the reality is my problem is lack of stimulus...while doing two things at once cuts down on correctness..it allows me to get somethings done I normally would have no tolerance to do at all.
Hyperfocus:
This is real. It is awesome. It might also make people think a person doesn't really have adhd. Hyperfocus happens when you are both very interested in something and very challenged by something. I wish I could force myself into this mode every day. This is why a person with adhd may read all the time and remember every detail, when you think they should have no ability to sit long enough to read. (in many groups I am in several of us have the ability to read and comprehend and enjoy books at a speed most of you wouldn't believe) It is also why many people with ADHD might have one area in their life where they excel. It can also mean becoming obsessed with something and not being able to move on from a task. I have been known to edit one picture for hours, never able to stop as it isn't perfect yet. That said, you probably want me around when there is an emergency. I handle crisis well.
How it affects me:
Physically, I suffer from exhaustion. I didn't know that was a normal thing until I joined online groups. It is one of the most common symptoms of ADHD and I feel tired all of the time. A good friend once said of course you are always tired...your brain wears you out. Any kind of random noise keeps me awake at night. Running the TV or something can help but getting a good nights sleep can be hard for me..and this adds to my fatigue.
Emotionally I have an awful temper and low frustration level. I can be terribly impatient. New studies show that people with ADHD get huge bursts of emotions..not surprising when you consider what ADHD is. The good part is, it is a burst and I move on just as quickly.
I have always been unlikeable to many people. I can seem narcissistic, blunt (maybe callus?) and socially awkward. I know this about myself and I am unable to change it. I only know these things now due to my age (over the years people now and again will say something) because I really have little self-awareness. No self-awareness....no ability to change. If people don't tell me what they are thinking I won't know. After all, I would absolutely say whatever I am thinking because that is how the ADHD brain works.
At work, I don't interview well. So landing jobs is hard for me. I also will always have areas where I make mistakes now and again, simple ones more likely. This is the kind of thing that makes you seem incompetent, even when you might be the best and brightest in the room.
In life I have to deal with losing things, over extending myself and having to plan for my own screw ups. That's right. I fully expect to break things, lose things, and forget things. I pre-plan for it.
I don't understand you:
I don't really understand why the world is so focused on details. Why does it matter if a word is misspelled. (didn't you understand anyway?) Why is being on time so very important? (I'm here..what is the big damn deal) Why aren't people more blunt? (I don't have time to guess how you feel or what you are thinking, it's not rude it saves time.) Why do people tend to dwell on little things that have little real importance. (Don't you have other things to do) No, seriously, I really do not get people.
My Take Away
If medication can help your child..have more friends, make better grades and not struggle..who cares what people think. I have spent many a night crying myself to sleep because I wanted to badly to be better. I wanted people to not shun me..I wanted to make better grades. I wanted to understand and learn some subjects better. I was lucky to be a fast learner in school or I might have never made it to college. I can tell you from experience no amount of behavior modification alone will eliminate the problem. As I have never been medicated I cannot say how well medication might work, but I feel it is worth trying. Now I think if I were to go to a doctor they would think I was simply drug seeking...and I am afraid of getting help. However now I wish I was a better employee, I wish I didn't have many of the other issues I still struggle with. Life with ADHD is a constant struggle.
Here are some articles you might be interested on if you have a child with ADHD...and no..I did not edit this blog post. lol
https://www.littlemisslionheart.com/is-adhd-real-here-is-the-honest-answer/?utm_medium=social&utm_source=pinterest&utm_campaign=tailwind_smartloop&utm_content=smartloop&utm_term=19434206
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