An open letter to Corey Fieldman

Corey-

I'd like to start out with all the fact that all of us 30-40 somethings have been rooting for you. We can't help it..you remind us of our childhood. The Goonies, Lost Boys, The Burbs, Ninja Turtles, Stand by Me..I mean you were in so many awesome films we watched as kids. We really want you to be successful. Perhaps as a director or a producer or maybe you could open a bad ass night club, I don't know. We really do wish you the best. When we laugh and make fun of you, we really don't know what else to do. I mean, what else CAN we do old friend? I mean its either laugh or cry at this point.

First of all let me say your health is concerning. You are entirely to thin. I saw you on some reality show where you stated you were a fruitatarian. I don't know who told you this was a healthy thing, but it is not. There is no way fruit is giving you all the nutrients you need, not to mention fruit is very high in sugar! Your face looks like skin just stretched across tightly around your skull..your body has no fat. Quite frankly you are either on some kind of stimulant or you just are not getting enough calories and proteins. Point blank.Its drugs or anorexia.

Secondly can we talk about your angels? Man, you are coming across like a creepy, rapey Hugh Heffiner wanna be. You want to know why Hugh got away with it??? Playboy. He actually DID launch the careers of several amazing women..Marilyn Monroe, Pamela Anderson, Anna Nicole Smith. What can you really offer? You can't get your own career going. The crazy way you say we instead of I as if you are married to these angels..just ugh..stop is it your girlfriends? or a charity..specifically for girls you want to or are sleeping with? You have them dressed as if they walked into the Halloween section at Wal-Mart too. Charging for people to come to your house to party with your "angels"..just what? For goodness sakes at least start a magazine or website or freaking something so it doesn't sound like you are taking poor whores off the street and giving them a place to stay until they sort their lives out.

Also what are you wearing. I get you loved MJ but again..as mentioned about Hugh ..he was freaking Michael Jackson...you know one of the most talented people on the planet. If he wanted to wear a superman outfit the world would have all started wearing superman capes to work..you are not Michael Jackson. You can not get away with looking like a goblin on a national morning show..and WASH YOUR HAIR. Seriously.

Can we talk about your album cover? It looks as if you took the picture with your cell phone and then edited it with some free web software and then printed it 1990's style on a card. Really? The song you choose is not marketable in the least. Spend some time listening to modern artists and what sells. Yes that is a part of being an artist. I mean you can make whatever kind of music you wish..however don't expect that to sell and be popular and help you fill stadiums. A real musician maybe wouldn't care if everyone loved him. They probably wouldn't have cried on camera about the backlash..musicians make music..but that isnt what you want to do is it Corey? You want to be a rock star. Being a Rock star is a full time job. There is no way you have spent hour after hour working on your singing or hired a choreographer to help you with dance moves..or worked with a producer to make memorable music. Then because success wasn't as easy as you thought it would be..you cried because people didn't like you.

Corey, that's life. If you make terrible music the world will tell you about it. We don't want you to fail but that was terrible, so terrible in fact that we just don't know how to process what we saw. I've met you a time or two at conventions I was working and your entire attitude was one of..I'm a big star..  but Corey hun, you aren't. You just are not that guy anymore. It's not 1987 anymore. You have to realize that was then, it really the only way you can ever be successful again. I know it's a harsh reality but until you deal with that fact you will not be able to press forward. Believe me Corey no ne is actually against you, produce something for us to cheer about and we will. Good Luck. (but also seriously wash your hair, eat some protein and stop being a perv.)